Good morning, my friend, and a very happy
new year to you!
I know this message will come as a surprise
to you, but, rest assured, I found you by a careful search based on your
interests and online activities. I am assured that you are exactly the kind of
reliable person I am looking for.
Let me introduct myself. I am Prince Khaled ibn Bandar ibn Moosad Nawaf al Killah al Saud,
one of the princes of the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia, and Minister of
Executions in Saudi Royal Government. As you know, our country is an important part
of the war against terrorism, and that weare fighting in Yemen to free country
from terrorists. Also our country is fighting to keep our religion pure and to
prevent corruption by evil people. There are so many evil people, who do things
like being accused of drug smuggling, murder and witchcraft. I am sure you know
this is bad evil and against all god, even your god.
The only way to do
this is by cutting off their heads so that they do not do evil again, is not
so? We fight evil well here in Saudi Arabia.
Now, the problem is
that because of the war we are being forced to fight in Yemen, our finances are
getting low. Also number of people we are being forced to behead is going up
every day, so we have to hire more beheaders, but we have no money to hire enough more
beheaders. Also even though we advertised for beheaders not enough people replying to advertisement for some reason. That is why I looked on the internet and found you. From your love
of online video games I see you liking sword work very much. I am therefore
offering you chance to cut off heads for real.
All you have to do is
come here to Saudi Arabia, and you will be provided with a criminal to behead, right in front of big crowd in Deera Square in Riyadh. Deera Square is very nice, you will like it. Very good tourist attraction. You will be celebrity, will be famous and get the knowledge that you are fighting terrorsm evil and doing god work. You
will also be getting good vacation here. Is totally free and all your expenses
paid! If not sure how to behead we can train you, too, in Iraq and Syria with ISIS training programme. Nothing to worry. We have good training programme and this is instructor.
Please do not thnik this is Nigerian scam or
illegal. In first place I am Saudi, not Nigerian. In second place as I am Prince of Royal Family all I do is legal, and this is with the
approval of the King Salman al Isisi ibn Bibi al Killary al Saud himself.
Where else will you get chance to cut off heads for free? Where else can you
feel nice satisfying sensation of sword cutting through skin and muscle and
bone and seeing head fall off and bounce like rubber ball, and then blood leaking on ground? I am telling
you this is very good sensation. Also you have to pay no money at all. It is
free totally.
Even Prince Charles of Britain danced with
sword here and in conversation said to me that if only he could he would have
loved to cut head too. “But it wouldn’t go down too well with the wogs, old
chap,” he said. “They and the Bolshies are a right bunch of twits, you know.
Don’t let a chap have fun. Why, I can’t even chase down foxes on my horse and
have my dogs tear the little beggars to shreds any longer.” And he sighed
deeply and tears began coming from eyes.
His son Prince Harry also told me he
wanted to cut off heads. “Couldn’t kill any ragheads when I was in Iraq and
Afghanistan,” he said. “Bleeding tossers kept shooting at me whenever I flew up
to drop rockets on ‘em – that’s not cricket, is it, what? I wish I could have a go at one when it wasn’t shooting back. You’re so lucky!”
President Obama also said to me that he would
like to cut off head of whistleblower, but not possible without getting golf
shoes covered with blood. “Even though the folk back home would fall over themselves
supporting me,” he said, stroking a drone with a far off look of pleasure in
his eyes, “there are other ways to kill folks. With this I can play god. I
mean, I know I’m god, but even then, it’s a real charge to blow up folks from
the sky, like a thunderbolt, isn’t that so?” He then told me he would give one million tons of more
bombs to drop on Yemen. That is because I made him sword offer. He is good man. You please vote way he tells you to.
As you can see, even if in your country if
you cut off heads you will go to jail, here you are hero. Good?
If you are interested please respond to
this mail with following information:
Your name:
Age and Sex:
Your complete address and phone number:
How many times you cut off heads in video game:
How often you dream of cutting off heads:
Please be to noting that we do not
discriminate in gender. If you are female you can still cut off heads so long
as you wear a burqa. We are very modern as you can see. No other country will
give you chance to cut off heads if you are woman.
Hoping to get your reply soonest. Please be
telling if you have own sword or whether you need one provided for you.
With regards,
Prince Khaled ibn
Bandar ibn Moosad Nawaf al Killah al Saud
Minister Of
Executions
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.
Outstanding. I couldn't stop laughing.
ReplyDeleteThere must be some place you can get stuff like this published.
MichaelWme
Dying. You had me at "ibn Bandar."
ReplyDelete