I came up the stairs to my office and found a Velociraptor
standing in the corridor.
“You are Jack Hammer,
Private Investigator?” He tapped a hooked claw impatiently on the floor and glared
up at me from waist level. “I’ve been waiting.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled,
trying not to stare, as I fished in my pocket for the keys. “I was on a case.”
A case of beer, as it happened, and it was still more than half-unfinished.
Like most private detectives, I hate leaving cases unfinished. “I’m here now,
though.”
“I’ve been waiting,”
he repeated. His English was good, but with a distinct Mongolian accent. I
suppose that was natural, seeing what he was. “Outside. In the corridor.
Is this the way you seek to impress potential clients?”
“Times are tough,” I
said, finally finding the keyhole. “I had to let my receptionist go.” Actually,
she’d quit after I’d made one advance too many, but the Velociraptor didn’t
need to know that. I’d not had money to pay her anyway. “What can I do for you,
Mr...ah...”
The Velociraptor
didn’t reply immediately. He followed me through the receptionist’s closet, into
the inner office, and looked around at the furnishings. One could almost feel
his contempt. All right, I admit I’m not rich, so I can’t afford fancy furnishings,
or even a reupholstering job. And maybe the ashtray on my desk is full, and I
might have remembered to put last night’s bottle of whisky in the wastebasket.
But, for Poirot’s sake, that was hardly reason to act as though touching the
stuff would give him some kind of disease. You could almost see his feathers twitch.
I threw my Homburg on
to the rack and eased myself into my chair. “Please sit down,” I offered,
expecting him to stay on his clawed feet.
I was wrong. With only
a little difficulty, he hopped on to the visitor’s chair. His long stiff tail
poked out from the back, keeping the receptionist’s office door from closing.
That didn’t matter, because there was no receptionist. His arms, like stunted
wings, rested on the scuffed surface of the desk, long chestnut feathers spread.
He tilted his head to one side, all the better to look at me with.
“My name is Jamsakhurgiin
Jangezkhan,” the Velociraptor said. “I’m a third secretary in the consulate in
this city.”
“Umm?” I asked, still
trying not to stare. I’d been in the business long enough not to expect leggy
dames whose name spelt out TROUBLE, but, damn.
“And stop staring at
me like that,” the Velociraptor snapped. “It’s like you never saw a Velociraptor
before.”
“Well, I haven’t,
actually,” I admitted. “Not from so close anyway.”
“What were you
expecting, something big and scaly like the fakes out of Jurassic Park?” His face couldn’t actually manage a sneer, but he
did lift his lip enough to let me know he intended
a sneer. “In that case you ought to stick to watching Jurassic Park.” His fangs weren’t large but were legitimately
terrifying, and I say that as someone who’s been bitten by more than one
barroom brawler with rotting teeth. “Now will you listen to me, or should I go
elsewhere?”
The prospect of a job
focussed my attention. I got my pencil and notebook and flipped to a fresh
page. “Yes, how may I help you?”
“I was told that you
were someone who is discreet and tends to get results.” He tilted his head the
other way and looked at me some more. “Now, have you heard the news this
morning?”
I hadn’t actually
touched the news in weeks. There’s only so much coverage of celebrity breakups
and car bombings I can take, not to speak of election campaigns. “Yes,” I said
cautiously.
“Then you’ll have
heard of the death of, uh, Peaches Golddigger.” The Velociraptor sat back as
far as his tail would let him, not far. “It’s all over the papers.”
“Peaches Golddigger,”
I repeated, making a note.
“Of course, they
haven’t given out the details yet. They just said she was found dead. Right?”
He twisted his head to look over his shoulder, as though to reassure himself
that we weren’t being overheard. “That won’t last. They say she was found dead,
but they haven’t yet said she was killed. So this is what I want you to do – before
they say anything more, you’re to prove that I didn’t kill her.”
I took a deep breath.
“What makes you think anyone will claim you
killed her?”
The Velociraptor leant
so far over the desk I could smell his breath. It stank of rotting peaches.
“She was with me last night, and she was found dead outside my house.”
“She was?” I blinked.
“What was she doing in your house?”
He tried to shrug, but
the anatomy of his shoulder girdle didn’t allow it. Instead, his head bobbed
towards me, teeth and all, and I reared back in alarm. “You know what some
human females are like. They go for dinosaurs. They think having us as lovers
gives them social cachet.”
I waited. He ruffled
his feathers impatiently. I waited some more.
He grew tired of the
waiting. “Oh, all right. I thought I might as well try it with a human female.
Who’s to know back home, right?” He subsided back into the chair gloomily.
“And, anyway, I didn’t like it much. Give me a dinosaur any day, even if it’s a
Utahraptor or even a Tarbosaurus.”
“Where did you meet
her?” I asked.
“At the party at the
consulate last night.” He clicked his jaws together. “I suppose you wouldn’t
know about it, though.” He supposed right. They wouldn’t allow the likes of me
in through the door there. “It’s one of the opportunities for dinosaurs and
humans to mingle, so we make the most of it. She was there, and I got to know
her.”
“Somebody introduced
you?”
“No, er...” He
hesitated. “I’d just got to the party, a bit late. I was held up at the office
correcting some mistakes made by my...” he muttered a word that sounded like sghmert. “...of an assistant. I saw her
as soon as I entered. She was talking to a boor of a Giganotosaurus. I don’t like
him at all, so I went over to see whether I could...”
“Rescue her from him,”
I prompted.
“Yes. Rescue her.
Well, I can’t stand him, and neither could she, since she came away with me
when I said a couple of words. She said I was exotic.”
“Why can’t you stand
that Giganotosaurus?” I asked.
“He’s a fourth
secretary, and he wants to be promoted. He’s been trying to make things
difficult since I arrived. He thinks because he’s been here longer, he’s
entitled to my job.”
“Well, did he try and
stop her when she came with you?”
“No, how could he?
Humans and dinosaurs are free agents. He wasn’t happy, though.” The thought
seemed to make him happy. He grinned.
“And what happened
afterwards?” I asked.
“Well, we had a couple
of drinks, and then she invited herself to my house. She said she’d never slept
with a dinosaur before and was looking forward to the experience.” He scratched
his neck plumage with a huge hooked claw. “She kept running her hands through
my feathers and saying how much she loved the feel.”
“So you went back home
with her. How did you go home? Dinosaurs can’t drive.”
“She had a car, but
she couldn’t take it into the diplomatic quarter. It’s a car free zone. She
drove us up to the entrance and parked it outside. They found it there in the
morning, where she’d left it.”
“All right, so you and
she got home. What happened after that?” I raised a hand. “I don’t really want
all the details. Just the main points.”
“She took off her
clothing.” His mouth curved downwards in disgust. “I never knew how naked humans were without clothes
before. They look like newborn Velociraptor chicks.” He scratched again, on the
other side of his neck, with the other claw. “Then we went to bed and I clasped
her in my arms.” He demonstrated. “She wasn’t much of a size, for a human,
which is why I could do that. And after that
– but you don’t want the details.”
“You said you didn’t
enjoy the experience much.” I glanced at my notes. “Did she?”
“As far as I can judge
a human’s response, yes, at least at first.” He yawned, displaying a
terrifying, but not very large, tooth-studded maw. “Then, after a few hours,
she started saying she was feeling – what is the word in your human language? –
dizzy?”
“Did she say she was
drunk?”
“Drunk? No. She only
had a couple of drinks, as I said, and that was long before, in the party. We
came back to my house at nine, and this was about one in the morning. No, she
said she was feeling dizzy, and wanted to go home.”
“Just dizzy?”
“She was shivering a
bit too, but then she hadn’t any clothes on, and as I said she was naked like a
Velociraptor chick.” He looked down complacently at his chestnut-brown plumage.
“Maybe it was cold, but I couldn’t tell the difference.”
“Did you offer to drop
her home?” I asked.
“Of course not.” He
blinked. “A lady Velociraptor would never forgive that kind of thing. It
would...ah, impute...that she couldn’t take care of herself.”
“So what happened
then? She got dressed, I imagine?”
“Yes, but she didn’t
stop shivering or feeling dizzy. Then she left and I didn’t see her again. I
was only told she’d died this morning.”
“But she was found
outside your house.”
“Yes – only a few
metres away. In fact she was lying in the street, just outside the gate.”
“I see.” I drummed my
fingers on the desk. “Who found her?”
“In the morning? The
human police do a security patrol at dawn. You know how there are groups among
you humans who hate dinosaurs, and who’ve threatened to attack us? That’s why
the police make rounds. They found her.”
I made more notes. “You
said your house is in the diplomatic quarter?”
“It is. There are plenty
of dinosaurs living there.” He seemed to be thinking about something. “My
neighbour is the Giganotosaurus I mentioned.”
“Are you accusing him
of killing her?”
His nictitating
membranes slipped across his eyes several times. “I’m not accusing anyone of
anything. All I want you to do is prove me innocent.”
A thought struck me. “Suppose
you can’t be proven innocent. You do
have diplomatic immunity, right? They can’t do a thing to you except expel
you.”
“Yes, well...” Unless
I was much mistaken, he looked embarrassed. “The thing is, I’ve only just
arrived here. I’m from a village in the back of beyond, without any facilities
at all. If I get thrown out it would be right back there, and, you know, I really
would rather not do that. It’s dead as a Stegosaurus.”
“All right.” I tapped
the pencil on the pad and tried to look as though I didn’t need the job. I’m
sure he wasn’t fooled for a moment. “I’ll take you on as a client. My fee
is...”
“It doesn’t matter.” He
waved a clawed, feathered arm. “My office will pay whatever your fee is. The
consulate doesn’t want dinosaurs blamed for a human death either.”
“I understand that.”
It had begun to rain. Water made tracks through the crusted dirt on the window
and pooled on the sill. The Velociraptor looked at the rain and shuddered.
“Rain,” he said. “I’m
going to get wet. I hate getting wet.”
“You’ve got your
feathers,” I couldn’t help pointing out, remembering his preening earlier.
“Yes,” he said.
“They’re pretty much waterproof, too. But I still hate getting wet.”
Oh well. “I’ll need a
couple of more details,” I said, pencil poised over the notebook. “And then
I’ll get down to work.”
“Your other case will
wait,” he said. It was a statement, not a question.
I thought of the
bottles of beer sitting in my flat and sighed. “It will wait.”
********************************************************
As soon as he’d gone, I phoned my journalist
friend, Tab Loider. “Friend” might be an exaggeration, but I did buy him a
drink a few times a month and give him a scoop when I had one to offer. Like
the time I’d been hired to represent the Loch Ness Monster in a defamation suit
against filmmakers who showed her to be a murderous beast. The suit,
unfortunately, had fallen apart when I couldn’t find a way to prove that the
Loch Ness Monster even existed. But Tab had got a lot of material out of that
one, his name on the front page for a solid week.
“A Velociraptor named
Jamsakhurgiin Jangezkhan,” I asked. “What do you know about him?”
Tab’s voice, never
particularly trusting, became as cautious as a man walking past a pool with a
hungry Kronosaurus. “Why do you ask?”
“Come on, Tab. You owe
me for Nessie, as you know perfectly well.”
“Third secretary at
the consulate,” he chanted. “A new arrival, straight out of the yurts; this is
his first posting. Lives at –”
“If I wanted all that
I could just call the consulate desk,” I said patiently. “I want the real stuff
you’re holding back.”
“How do you know I’m
holding something back?” he asked.
“Tab,” I sighed, “I
may be an unsuccessful shamus who’s likely to be evicted any day for
non-payment of rent, but I’m not a total idiot. Some random Velociraptor who’s
a third secretary at the consulate, and you know his name and all about him, so
you can repeat them to me just like that? How stupid do you think I am?”
There was a long
pause. “I can’t talk now,” he replied eventually. “But let’s meet at the usual
place in half an hour.”
“I’ll be there,” I
said, putting on my Homburg. I didn’t bother taking the notebook. Anything he told me would be strictly off the
record anyway.
The usual place was a
bar about halfway between his office and mine. I invested some cash in a
ordering drinks while I waited. I knew what he’d be drinking and I knew what
I’d be drinking. The drinks were always the same.
Tab entered, shaking
off water from the shoulders of his raincoat, and slipped into the seat
opposite me. “All right. What do you want?”
This was a bit abrupt,
even for him. His rat-face was closed, and he wouldn’t look me in the eye. He
picked up his brandy and swallowed it in two gulps. “Another.”
I ordered another. “I
told you what I want. What do you know about Jamsakhurgiin Jangezkhan?”
“Why don’t you wait till
tomorrow? You’ll find out all about it in the news for yourself.”
“Because the news
isn’t always the truth. Now tell me.”
“He killed a woman
last night, didn’t he?” He peered at me over the rim of his glass. “Peaches
Golddigger. Tasty Peaches, she was called, and, yes, the reason is what you’d
imagine.”
“She was well known,
was she?”
“You really never
heard of her? You ought to read the celebrity news sometimes, Hammer. I know
you don’t move in those circles, and they
wouldn’t be seen dead hiring the likes of you – ” This was only the truth, so I
didn’t resent it. “But, you need to keep up with it if you want to know what’s
going on in this town.”
“So she was a
celebrity? What for? Was she an actress?”
He shrugged. “She had
a minor role in a film or two. Not much better than softcore porn really. Then
she arranged for a sex tape with an ex boyfriend to be leaked, and that got her
in the news, which was what she wanted. It got her into a talk show or two.
Mostly, she was famous for being famous. Apart from being famous for screwing
her way through half the men in the city, of course.”
“Not me,” I said. “I
never even heard of her till today.”
“No, working class
stiffs weren’t her style. Musicians, models, actors, sports stars...anyone in
the news was fair game.”
“And she hadn’t a
regular boyfriend or something?”
“Not in recent years,
for sure. She wanted variety, and the same man in bed every night isn’t much
variety.” He blinked at me. “What else?”
“Where was she from?
Any idea?”
“Someplace in the Middle
of Nowhere. If she had family there she never went back and as far as I know
they never came here looking for her either. Does it matter?”
“I don’t know.” I
digested all this information while getting both of us more drinks. I would,
naturally, charge them to the Velociraptor. They were a legitimate business
expense. “Got a picture of her?”
He showed me one. It wasn’t a professional photo, just a snapshot of her
sitting in a rumpled bed. She was very pretty, and also pretty small, as
Jamsakhurgiin Jangezkhan had said. She also had nothing on; all the better to
see her skin, which was very pale and very clear, and the tattoo of a flowering
vine twisting all around one arm with, my dear.
“Lovely,” I said,
giving it back. “Where did you get it?”
“Let’s say I have my
sources, like you do yours.” He looked smug.
“Is that her bed? Did
she live with anyone?”
“All beds look the
same to me. As far as I know she’s been living alone. It gave her the freedom
to go to someone else’s house whenever she wanted.”
I tried another tack. “You
said she was killed by Jangezkhan. Why?”
Tab blinked. “You’re
asking seriously? Damn, Hammer, she went home with him, spent the night with
him, and was found outside his gate dead. What more do you need?”
“Some evidence, for
one thing. How does anyone know she was even killed?”
“Is this why you’re
giving me free drinks?” He shook his head in mock sorrow. “I hate to take
advantage in such a manner, but, man, you’re going to have to do better than
that.”
“What are you talking
about, Tab?”
“She was found half
eaten. Now you tell me how that happened if nobody killed her?”
“Half eaten?” I
repeated.
“That’s right. Didn’t
know that, did you?” He grinned with enjoyment and drained his glass. “Rather
more than half, really. I think I’d better be going now, because you obviously
won’t want to pay for more booze.”
“Wait,” I said.
“You’re planning to accuse Jangezkhan in tomorrow’s edition?”
“As soon as the police
give us the go ahead. If they don’t, we’ll imply it in terms that leave no
doubt who’s responsible.” He saw my expression. “Hey, Hammer, it’s not just us.
Everyone in the media will be doing the same. That we held off for one full day
is risky enough. Somebody might scoop us.”
“All right,” I said.
“But here’s a word of advice. Don’t jump the gun quite yet. There may be last
minute developments.”
“Why, are you going to
prove Jamsakhurgiin Jangezkhan’s innocent?” He began to laugh, and then his
eyes widened in realisation. “That’s what it this is all about, right?”
“Suppose I can prove
he’s innocent,” I countered, “and you’re the only people in the media who haven’t accused him? You’d be in the
perfect position to make everyone else look stupid. You’ll be able to pose as
the voice of reason and justice against a media feeding frenzy.”
He thought about this.
“Right, but that depends on his actually being innocent, and, much more
importantly, you being able to prove it.”
“I’ll prove it,” I
said, though I had no idea how. “Is it a deal?”
“I can’t hold off for
long, or it’ll be my job,” he said. “But I’ll hold off till the morning.”
I grinned and
signalled for another round of drinks. “Then it’s a deal.”
********************************************************
From the bar I went to the city morgue. I
thought about going to the police for ten solid seconds, and decided against
it. My reputation with the cops was not great, ever since I’d investigated a
software pirating ring that had ended in the death of a couple of coders, and
discovered that the chief’s son was ears deep in the business. No, the cops
weren’t fond of me. So the morgue it would have to be.
It was a dank evening,
and the rain had picked up force. Just the kind of weather, in fact, when
people could be expected to leave work early, so one could be reasonably
certain of finding the field clear to do some unauthorised snooping around.
The city morgue’s
night orderly was, not surprisingly, another contact of mine, though his
cooperation wasn’t bought with an occasional glass of alcohol. No, I had to pay
him with another currency altogether, though what that is, I’m not going to disclose. You never know who’s listening,
and I have a licence and liberty to lose.
The orderly’s name was
Cad Aver. I’d dropped in to the, ah, place where I purchased the currency in
which I always paid him, so as soon as he opened the door I slipped him the
packet.
He checked the
contents before he deigned to let me in. “Which one do you want this time?”
I told him. He showed
neither interest nor surprise, his waxy face expressionless as one of the
corpses in the shelves below. “Come along.”
I went. The morgue was
exactly like those you’d see in the movies, so much so that I suspected it had
been modelled on one seen in a film. Cad dragged open a shelf and pulled back a
cloth. “There.”
It was...messy. I’ve
seen dames who’ve been killed in various ways, and it’s never pretty, but this
was especially bad. What was left of her was bad, I mean. Fortunately, there
wasn’t much in the way of blood.
“What did this?” I
asked.
Cad pointed at an arc
of deep gashes in the pale flesh. “See for yourself. Toothmarks.”
I looked. There wasn’t
much dispute that they were toothmarks, and big and sharp teeth at that.
To take my mind off them, I looked at
the parts of her that weren’t bitten. The arm with the twined flowering plant
tattoo was crossed under one breast. There were dark red dots on the skin of
the inside of the arm and the breast, little pink rings around them. I didn’t
recall seeing them on the photo Tab had shown me.
I pointed them out to Cad.
“What do you think those are? Drug injection tracks?” Though they weren’t like
any I’d ever seen. I was just clutching at straws. “Was she a junkie?”
“Hardly drug tracks.”
He snorted contemptuously. “They’re just some kind of insect bites. Mosquitoes,
maybe.”
I sighed. I really
wasn’t getting anywhere. “Has the autopsy been done?”
“Would she be in
pieces if it had been? They were busy with the bus accident victims from last
night all day.” So that’s why the media hadn’t jumped on the Velociraptor story
right away; the bus accident was hotter news right now. “They’ll be doing her
tomorrow.”
Tomorrow would be too
late, no matter what they found. I shook my head and turned away. “You can put
her back.”
Cad flipped the sheet
back and slid the drawer closed. “Two
packets next time,” he said.
“What?”
“You heard me. Two
packets. The cost of everything is going up.”
It’s a damned shame.
Everyone is a mercenary these days.
********************************************************
The Giganotosaurus’ name was Ramon. I finally
tracked him down to the Mesozoic Manger, a restaurant which catered largely to
a dinosaur clientele. Though it was still raining, a protest group of one of
the anti-dinosaur societies was outside in the street, waving flags with a
dinosaur silhouette in a barred red circle.
“Don’t go in there,” a
bearded young man in a conical woollen cap told me. “That place serves
dinosaurs.”
“They serve meat as well,” his girlfriend, a
barefoot young woman with lank hair, added. “Monsters!”
A third person, of
indeterminate gender – I couldn’t really tell past the curtain of hair and the
bead-encrusted clothes – stepped in front of me. “If this sociocultural miscegenation between dinosaurs and humans isn’t
halted right now,” he (or she) said, “we’re soon going to have trade treaties
and dino immigration, and the next thing we know is all our jobs will be taken
by them. Stop it now!”
I pushed past them
without pausing to ask whether any of them actually had a job, and headed for
the entrance. “Traitor!” the young woman shouted, and threw something at me. It
bounced off the pavement and rolled to a stop under a light. I glanced at it.
It was a can of meat sauce.
The Giganotosaurus was
sitting at the far corner, in the area reserved for large carnivorous
dinosaurs, bent over a plate of food. He glanced up briefly under his brow
ridges when I slipped into the legally obligatory human seat at the table, and
went back to poking at the nodules of food on his plate with his three-clawed
hands. The nodules jerked and skittered in vain to get away from him. When he
speared one, it would scream.
I watched while he
nibbled a couple. “Not hungry?” I asked at last.
He eased himself back
and looked down at me. “Who on earth are you, again?”
I introduced myself.
“I hope you don’t mind my sharing your table?”
“Legally,” he
grumbled, “you have the right to sit here and I can’t do a damn thing about it,
no matter whether I mind or not. But I’m only waiting for my friend. He’ll be
here any minute and then I’ll be off.”
“Your friend?”
“Yes, my friend. You
don’t mind my having a friend, do you?” Clearly not in the sunniest of moods,
Ramon. “Are you here to eat or just bother me?”
“I’d actually wanted
to talk to you.” I told him what I did for a living. “I’m investigating the
death of Peaches Golddigger.”
“Who?” He blinked at
me a couple of times. “Oh, that one. What about her?”
“I’m told you were
talking to her at the party last night at the consulate.”
“Maybe I was.” He
speared another nodule, stabbed at it viciously until it stopped screaming, and
popped it into his mouth. “I fail to see what concern it is of yours, though.”
I shrugged. “She went
home with the Velociraptor Jangezkhan, who is a neighbour of yours. This morning she was found dead outside his
house. I was just wondering if you’d seen something.”
“Why should I have
seen something? I don’t interfere with other people’s business, be they
dinosaur or human.” He was clearly getting annoyed, but given his enormous size
there wasn’t even another table he could shift to. “What’s your interest in
this, anyway? Was she your woman or something?”
“No. I’m just
investigating her death for a friend.”
Before Ramon could
answer, if he had any intention of answering, that is, there was a sudden
commotion in the street. From where I was sitting I could see out through the
large front window, at the crowd of anti-dinosaur protestors and their flags.
Now they were suddenly scattering as though before a battering ram.
I wasn’t completely
mistaken; it was a kind of battering ram.
The Carnotaurus came
out of the darkness. He came on long, springy, muscular legs, low to the
ground, his long stiff tail lashing out behind. He swung his head to left and
right, his sharp brow horns ripping at the banners, the protestors breaking and
running before him. One of them threw something; the Carnotaurus plucked it out
of the air with a hand, shook it, and flung it away. He paused a moment at the
entrance, as though defying the protestors to return, but they’d apparently had
enough. Apart from a woollen cap on the pavement and a few ragged signs, the
street was empty.
The Carnotaurus
grunted happily and walked over to the table. “I hate those twits,” he
announced. “I’ve been waiting to make an impression on them for months.”
“You didn’t harm any
of them, did you, Jorge?” the Giganotosaurus, Ramon, asked anxiously. “There
might be...complications...if you did.”
“Of course I didn’t,”
the Carnotaurus said, “Credit me with a little
sense.” He bent an eye at me. “Who’s your friend, Ramon?”
“He’s not my friend.
Just some human who insisted on sitting here. I told him I’d be leaving as soon
as you got here.”
“Oh, but I don’t want
to leave right away.” The Carnotaurus sat down. “I’d like to sit down for a bit
first.”
There was something
very strange about him. Right from the time I’d seen him in the street,
something had been nagging at me, and I suddenly realised what it was. He’d
caught whatever it was that the protestors had thrown at him. He’d caught it
with his hands.
In most dinosaurs this
would not have been anything remarkable. But Carnotauruses, as everyone knows,
have no hands – just vestigial stumps with nubs for fingers. How had Jorge done
it, then?
He’d done it because
he had arms. At first, because they were coloured like his armoured skin, I
hadn’t noticed them, but now, peering at him, I could see that they were
artificial, and held on by some arrangement of suction cups over the bases of
his vestigial stumps.
“Nice,” I said. “I’ve
never seen those before.”
Jorge looked at me,
clearly flattered. “I just got them. I never realised how crippled I was before.” He raised his new arms to demonstrate. “I
control them with buttons at my fingertips.”
“I didn’t know they
made them.”
“I’ve wanted them for
a long time. It’s a custom job, and very expensive. I couldn’t afford them
before.”
Ramon was clearly
getting impatient at our talk. “He’s a detective,” he said. “He’s been asking
me about that woman who got killed last night in my neighbourhood. You know,
the one the papers mentioned this morning.”
“Is that so?” The
Carnotaurus tilted his head to look at me with real interest. “I’ve never met a
detective before.”
“He wants to know
whether I saw something. I was just
telling him that I –”
“Were you at the party
too, Jorge?” I interrupted.
“No, I’m not a
consulate employee. But Ramon came to my house after the party like he often
does. We spent the night watching films and drinking.”
“There you are,” the
Giganotosaurus replied. “Why don’t you ask that pipsqueak of a Velociraptor
what happened?”
There was a brief
pause. I looked from one to the other and realised I’d got as much as I’d get
from them. “Thank you, gentlemen,” I said, rising. “I’ll wish you a good night,
then.”
They were already deep
in conversation by the time I reached the door. Ramon was peering down at
Jorge’s new arms, and for some reason he didn’t look very happy about them.
Strange friend.
********************************************************
There were only a couple of loose ends to tie
up. I first went to the library. The reference section was about to close, but
I was lucky and found what I wanted in a book on dinosaur biology. It wasn’t
exactly as much blind luck as it might seem – I’d known exactly what I was
looking for, but it was nice to be sure.
From the library I
went to have a look at the diplomatic quarter. There was a barrier at the
entrance, with an armed guard. Beyond him, the tree-lined, deep-shadowed
avenues of the diplomatic quarter, already totally silent at this time of
evening.
I sauntered over to
chat with him, but he was having none of it. “State your business. Do you want
to visit someone?”
I didn’t want to visit
anyone. “Can you tell me if anyone came in here last night at...”
He raised a hand
impatiently. “Only residents and approved visitors are allowed inside. Either
state your business or go away.”
I went away. I went
back to the office and made a few phone calls.
The first was to
Jangezkhan. He picked up at once, as though he’d been waiting for the call.
Apparently, he had.
“Any news?” he demanded, as soon as he heard my voice.
“I need to ask you a
couple of questions.” I paused, trying to think of a way of asking them that
wouldn’t sound offensive. “You said you hadn’t offered to drop Peaches
Golddigger home. What did you do after she left?”
“I went to sleep, of
course. Right away.” He paused briefly, and I heard the rustle of his claw
scratching his plumage. “It had been a long day. The next thing I knew, it was
morning and the police were banging on the door.”
“All right. This is my
second question.” I looked through the window, where the rain had slackened to
a drizzle. “You said you hate getting wet. So how do you, er, maintain hygiene?”
“I fail to see what
business it is of yours,” he informed me, “but I take dust baths. You should
try them sometime. They’re very refreshing.”
“Ah,” I said. “Thank
you. Could you come to my office, please?”
“At this time of
night? Why on earth?”
“Nothing much.” I
paused. “I have just solved the case, that’s all.”
“You’ve solved the
case?” he yelped. “Who did it?”
“Come over to my
office,” I said, “and I’ll talk about it.”
Next I called Tab
Loid. “Remember what we talked about? Come to my office, and come ready for
your scoop. Right away.”
Then I sat back in my
chair and had some of the whisky left in the bottle. I thought I’d earned it.
********************************************************
“Peaches
Golddigger,” I said, “was a woman who was always headed for disaster.”
Jangezkhan and Tab
stared at me from across the desk. They’d evidently met before, and had greeted
each other with cool hostility, unbending a little only when I told them that
they’d be the making of each other’s career. “So what?” the Velociraptor asked.
“How does that help us?”
“I’m just setting the
scene,” I told him. “Anyway, as I said, she seemed to live for sexual
gratification. A woman like that takes risks that inevitably catch up at some
point.”
“So?” Tab asked. He and Jangezkhan seemed to
be uniting in impatience. Maybe it would be the start of a beautiful
friendship.
“So, she began taking
risks that she couldn’t have been unaware of. In all probability, the risks
added to the thrill. But she was also rapidly bored.”
“I told you all this
already,” Tab said. “Get to the point.”
“I am getting to the
point. She’d got bored with humans, so it struck her that she ought to try
dinosaurs. Sexual relations between dinosaurs and humans, after all, aren’t
illegal. Right?”
“They aren’t illegal,”
Tab admitted, and Jangezkhan nodded.
“So she got herself
invited to the consulate party, which wasn’t hard since she was a celebrity.
She was chatting up dinosaurs, evaluating them as possible conquests. But they
were all too big, or something else was wrong with them. She was beginning to
think she’d made a mistake when Jangezkhan here turned up.” We both turned to
look at him. “And he went right to her, because she was talking to a
Giganotosaurus called Ramon, whom he hated.”
“I never said I hated
him,” Jangezkhan protested.
“The euphemism you might
prefer to use isn’t that important. Basically, you had little interest in the
woman, but seeing her with Ramon aroused your desire to get your own back at
him for the way in which he’d been giving you trouble at work. So you went up
and began talking to her. Of course, you weren’t to know that she’d look at you
and immediately decide you were what she was looking for.”
Neither of them said
anything. I took a meditative sip of the whisky.
“You were fairly
surprised at the alacrity with which she came away with you, and, in fact,
insisted on going to your house right away. Not repelled, no, but you weren’t
exactly overwhelmed with joy either, and didn’t enjoy the experience nearly as
much as she did. It must have been a relief when, after a few hours, she
started feeling sick and dizzy all of a sudden and decided to go home. Wasn’t
it?”
Jangezkhan nodded. “I
told you all this already,” he said. “How is this of any help?”
“How do you imagine it
isn’t? You seem to have forgotten the Giganotosaurus, Ramon. Not only is he
your rival at the office, he’s your neighbour as well, and he can’t have been
overwhelmed with pleasure that you took away the woman. It wasn’t that he was
sexually interested in her – he was about twenty times bigger than her, for one
thing – but the humiliation of having her taken away by you in public must have
rankled. Exactly as you intended it to.”
He didn’t try to deny
it.
“So Ramon sat in his
house, brooding, and looking across the street at your place, and he saw the
girl come out in the small hours and start walking down the street...”
“You mean...” Jangezkhan scratched his neck. I
was getting tired of the scratching. “You mean Ramon killed her?
“No! He’s terrified of
‘complications’ that might jeopardise his position. He was merely watching when
he saw her collapse in the street. She probably fell down in one of those
heavily-shaded parts of the street, under those big old trees you have. He
watched for a while, waiting for her to get up and get going, but she didn’t.
So – still seething from his humiliation – he went to see if she needed help,
so he could redeem himself as a Good Samaritan.
“But she was dead.
When he found her she was already dead.” I paused to take another sip of
whisky. “Ramon isn’t a particularly bright thinker, but it came to him at that
moment that this was his big chance to get rid of you. All he had to do was
frame you. So he did.”
“How?” Tab asked.
“He ate part of her –
in fact more than half of her – and threw the rest in front of Jangezkhan’s
gate. At that time of night it was fairly safe, because nobody was about. He
then cleaned up the blood and went home, thinking the job was done.
“Only it wasn’t. It
was only after getting home that he realised that he might as easily be a
suspect, and that he needed an alibi. So he contacted his friend, a Carnotaurus
named Jorge, for the alibi. Jorge, unfortunately, wanted something in return.
Artificial arms. Very expensive artificial arms. And Ramon had to pay for them.
He had no choice.”
“How do you know all
this?” Tab demanded.
“I’ve seen Jorge with
the arms. If you check your sources in the banks, I can assure you that Ramon’s
account will show a withdrawal today that’s equivalent to what a pair of custom
built arms for a Carnotaurus might cost. Of course, even with the alibi, he
wasn’t anywhere near safe, and I think by this afternoon he’d realised it.
“He’d made another
enormous mistake, you see. Jangezkhan’s a real
Velociraptor. As he pointed out when we first met, he’s not some bit of made up
rubbish from Jurassic Park. In fact,
a lot of the facts in this case suddenly made sense when I remembered that this
is nothing like Jurassic Park.
“Jangezkhan,” I
continued, “may have a set of impressive teeth, but he’s small. Not only could he not have made the enormous gashes I saw on
the body, he couldn’t possibly have eaten so much of the corpse. It would have
added up to nearly his own weight! In fact, if the media weren’t so eager to
jump the gun and pander to the anti-dinosaur lobby...” I glanced at Tab. “The
very ridiculous, very ineffectual anti-dinosaur lobby...if the media, as I
said, had bothered to wait until the autopsy were performed, there would not be
a case for Jangezkhan to answer to, and the finger of suspicion would point
directly towards some very large dinosaur. I imagine even the police would put
two and two together and think of Ramon, even if they couldn’t prove it. After
all, entry into the diplomatic quarter is restricted – outsiders, even
dinosaurs, can’t come in without the permission of residents. So it had to be
either a resident or an approved visitor. And, of course, the autopsy would
likely also point to the fact that she’d already been dead when she was mauled.
But you media people aren’t willing to wait.”
“It’s the
competition,” Tab protested.
“Yes. But that doesn’t
change a damned thing. Just as it doesn’t change the fact that Jangezkhan was
responsible for her death.”
They both sat up
straight when I said that. “That’s a lie!” the Velociraptor shouted. “I didn’t
hurt her.”
“Of course you did. Just
not knowingly, or deliberately.” I looked at him. “Exactly why do you keep
scratching yourself?”
He blinked. “What?”
“It’s parasites, isn’t
it? Dinosaur lice. You might have been able to wash them off or drown them if
you bathed, but you hate water. You prefer to wallow in dust.” I didn’t try to
hide the disgust in my voice. “And dinosaur lice, like other ectoparasites,
carry all kinds of germs. I was reading in the library today about the kinds of
disease they carry.
“It wouldn’t matter,
normally. You’ve got immunity to the diseases, and the lice normally stay on
your body under the feathers. But when you were with Peaches Golddigger, as you
told me, you embraced her with your arms. You could do that because she was
small. And, of course, she was naked, and the lice took the chance to taste the
new blood. They likely didn’t enjoy the taste, because they went right back to
you instead of hanging around on her. But they did bite her, on her arms and
breasts. I saw the marks on her body.
“And when they bit
her, they spat the germs into her blood. Germs to which she had no immunity
whatsoever. She’s not a dinosaur, and she’s never been to Mongolia.”
There was a long
silence.
“I suggest,” I said,
“that you, Mr Jangezkhan, have yourself deloused, and get over your fear of
water. Unless you do that, you are a danger to any humans you may contact, and
in all conscience I could not recommend your continuing to reside among us. As
for Ramon...” I looked from one of them to the other. “I suppose he could be
unofficially warned that we know exactly what happened, and that unless he
stops trying to unseat Jangezkhan here, the facts will be made known to the
proper authorities. All right?”
“And what about me?”
Tab wailed. “What do I tell the readers?”
“That Peaches
Golddigger was responsible for her own death,” I said. “What else can you tell
them?”
And you know what? It
wasn’t even a lie.
********************************************************
The next morning I arrived at the office to find
a crowd in the street. They were all staring at a large Tyrannosaurus, who was
looking distinctly annoyed at their gawking.
“Are you Jack Hammer?”
she asked, ruffling her feathers. “I have been waiting for you. Is this the way
you want to impress new clients, by making them wait while a crowd of cretins
gathers to watch?”
I sighed. “I was finishing
a case,” I said.
And, once more, it
wasn’t a lie.
Copyright B Purkayastha 2016