Monday 24 December 2018

Oh Santa Had A Baby



Oh Santa had a baby
He called him Jong Un Kim
He sent him to the White House
To teach Trump how to swim

In shark infested waters
Be it fish that may
Bite off your head and fingers
Or just another way

Of saying that your stooges
May stab you in the back
And if you enter politics
Brains you must not lack

The Orange One listened
And frowning badly said
"I have as much use for advice
As the wig on my head

"I'll invade Syria
Put troops in Kabul too
And face off with the Russians
Like bears at the zoo

"And when the chips are down 
We're losing left and right
I'll pull out my soldiers
And say we won the fight

"What if the liberals cavil
My only constituency
Is the one in Tel Aviv
Their money means all to me."

Kim Jong Un listened
Nodding placatingly
As to any ranting madman
And went back across the sea.

"Koreas come together
Build us a great big wall
Against Bibi and the orange utan
In the Bedlam hall."

Oh Santa had a baby
He called him Jong Un Kim
He might have been short and fat
But he had a brain on him.





The Russians Are

The Russians are in your head
The Russians are in your head
The thoughts you have are yours no more
And every day more Russians at the door

The Russians broke though your wall
The Russians broke though your wall
They break the windows, climb the stair
Make you lose your lustrous hair

The Russians are in your bed
The Russians are in your bed
They crush your pillow and mess the sheet
And put cat vomit on your feet

The Russians are in your dreams
The Russians are in your dreams
You see red stars, you try to shriek
And find yourself a mouthless freak

The Russians are in your eyes
The Russians are in your eyes
Bright or dim, light or dark
Everything you see is Russia, hark -

The Russians are in your ears
The Russians are in your ears
You hear them whisper, you hear them shout
And know not what it's all about

The Russians are in your brain
The Russians are in your brain
Your toothbrush and your soap too
Are their agents spying on you.

The Russians are everywhere
The Russians sit in your chair
Luckily there's something to set you free
The media that promotes democracy!

The Russians steal your air
The Russians crawl through your hair
But don't worry, put on TV
And cheer on, cheer on World War Three!