Sunday 8 July 2012

Intellectual Property

SCIENTISTS CLAIM DISCOVERY OF CORRUPTION GENE

PTI, New Delhi, 15 Oct. Scientists at the Institute of Medical Genetic Research in Melbourne, Australia, have claimed to have discovered a gene that causes its carriers to become corrupt. The gene was apparently discovered by a team of scientists headed by Dr Madeleine McGrath, an internationally famous geneticist.

“We discovered it in a locus on Chromosome 23,” Dr McGrath told a press conference in Melbourne on Saturday. “We were looking for markers of a particular genetic condition that causes South Asians to be prone to obesity-related complications when we discovered it. While it has nothing to do with obesity, we did discover that the gene was a remarkably accurate marker for a different condition – corruption. Of the eighty-five subjects whose genomes we studied, fifty-seven had the gene; and of those fifty-seven, no less than fifty-three had been arrested for, or were under suspicion of, corruption. And of those who did not possess the gene, not one was suspected of or arrested for corrupt practices.”

Dr McGrath stated that her team would soon publish its findings in the peer-reviewed Blue Genes magazine.

“If these findings are confirmed,” Indian geneticist Dr Vetrivel Vazhutthumudi Chellappa said to PTI in Chennai, “it will be a revolution in the field of genetics. Geneticists and biotechnologists around the world will be studying Dr McGrath’s work with great interest.”


CORRUPTION GENE INDIA-LINKED, STUDY CLAIMS

UNI, New Delhi, 28 Oct. In a groundbreaking article published in Blue Genes magazine, a team of Australian researchers claim that they have discovered a gene responsible for inducing corruption in its carriers, and also claim it to be of specifically South Asian origin.

“Of course we don’t claim that this gene, is solely responsible for the relatively high levels of corruption endemic to South Asia, particularly India,” the article comments. “All we can do is point to the fact that this gene is found in the genome of almost all South Asians, particularly Indians, and that these same people have a remarkably high tendency to indulge in corrupt acts even when they do not have to. However, the task of fully examining the causes of corruption belongs to sociologists and not to the field of genetics.”

When asked about the possible commercial or medical applications of the gene, team leader Dr Madeleine McGrath refused to comment.


EMINENT GENETICIST RAISES ALARM

IANS, 29 Oct. In an urgent message to the Union Ministry of Science and Technology, eminent Indian geneticist Dr Vetrivel Vazhutthumudi Chellappa warned that the so-called “corruption gene” discovered by a team of Australian researchers could be patented by foreign companies for their own purposes. Dr Chellappa drew the attention of the Ministry to the refusal of research team leader McGrath to comment when asked if the gene had commercial applications.

“This clearly proves that they are planning to patent the gene, which is our national property and needs to be protected,” Dr Chellappa stated.

A bureaucrat at the Union Ministry of Science and Technology, speaking to IANS, said the Ministry would look into the matter.


MEMO FROM SURESH CHANDRA, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, SUPERINDIA TV CHANNEL, TO ANUPAMA VERMA, SENIOR NEWS EDITOR:

Dear Anu,

You may have noticed that we’ve been falling in the ratings recently, especially where our news programmes are concerned. We urgently need some attention-catching news items to grab eyeballs again, before the advertising revenue drops off.

Yours, Suresh.


MEMO FROM ANUPAMA VERMA TO SURESH CHANDRA:

Dear Suresh: I have just the thing – Anu.


9 pm NEWS, SUPERINDIA TV CHANNEL:

...this is the latest in a continuing series of racist attacks on Indians in Australia. And in a related development, SuperIndia has reliably learned that a priceless part of India’s genetic heritage is in danger of being misappropriated by Australian scientists.

Our reporter in Chennai, Nondiammal ,spoke to one of India’s most eminent scientists, the internationally famous geneticist Dr Vetrivel Vazhutthumudi Chellappa. Here is her report...


BREAKING NEWS, NDTV7x24 NEWS CHANNEL:

Eminent scientist says Australia stealing precious Indian corruption gene: government ignoring situation, Opposition claims.


‘CORRUPTION GENE’ MAKES INDIANS UNIQUE, SCIENTIST SAYS

UNI, Chennai, 31 Oct. Renowned Indian geneticist Dr Vetrivel Vazhutthumudi Chellappa, who has won numerous national and international awards, said here today that the “corruption gene” discovered by Australian researchers makes Indians unique and is therefore a priceless part of India’s genetic heritage. “To let it be stolen by foreigners would be a calamitous blow against our rich national genetic heritage, which has come down to us since time immemorial,” he said.


SCIENCE MINISTER CONDEMNS AUSSIE ATTEMPT TO PURLOIN INDIAN GENE

New Delhi, 1 Nov. In an exclusive statement to The Crimes of India, Union Science Minister Jairam Rajesh said the government and the Congress Party were aware of and deeply concerned by Australian attempts to steal part of India’s precious genetic heritage, in the shape of the “corruption gene” discovered by a team of Australian researchers. “This is part of our precious genetic heritage and we will protect it to the best of our ability,” he stated.

When asked about precise steps the government was taking to protect the gene, Mr Rajesh refused to elaborate, saying only that various options were “under consideration.”


HJP CLAIMS ANCIENT INDIAN SCIENTISTS KNEW ALL ABOUT GENE, CONDEMNS GOVERNMENT

PTI, 2 Nov. At a meeting in Ahmedabad today, Hindu Jagran Party president Swami Harishchandra claimed that it was completely incorrect to say that the Australian team had discovered the “corruption gene” since ancient Hindu scientists had known all about it. “Our ancient Hindu sages knew all about everything, from nuclear bombs to space travel, as all true Hindus are well aware,” he proclaimed. “They were also familiar with the Indian genome and had written all about this ‘corruption gene’ ten thousand years ago. We have the evidence of this and will reveal it at the appropriate time.”

Swami Harishchandra also condemned the government for not taking resolute action against Australia for attempting to purloin the ‘corruption gene’. “This anti-Hindu government wants to give away our precious national heritage to mlechcha foreigners,” he said, adding that the HJP would start a series of agitations across the country. “The government, which is forcing our hand, will be solely responsible for the consequences,” he said.


BREAKING NEWS, NDTV7x24 NEWS CHANNEL:

Australian High Commissioner summoned to Foreign Office, formal protest delivered over attempt to patent Indian corruption gene.


9 pm NEWS, SUPERINDIA TV CHANNEL:

In New Delhi, today, the Hindu Jagran Party held a major demonstration against the government over the patenting of the corruption gene by an Australian research team. The party’s members burned effigies of Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard and Australian scientist Madeleine McGrath outside the Australian High Commission and threatened violent protests unless the government took immediate action to preserve the national honour. “This Australian scientist must be immediately arrested and tried in India for crimes against the nation,” Swami Harishchandra stated.

Meanwhile, SuperIndia spoke to college students across India who enthusiastically approved of stern action against Australia for stealing India’s genetic heritage and called the attempt to patent the corruption gene yet another example of Aussie racism.


AUSSIE CRICKET TEAM UNWELCOME, QUACKERAY SAYS.

PTI, Mumbai, 4 Nov. In an editorial in Saamna, Shiv Sena chief Ball Quackeray declared that the Shiv Sena would not allow the Australian cricket team to visit Mumbai until what he called “the plans to steal the Indian corruption gene” were dropped. “The Shiv Sena will defend the Indian national birthright, the corruption gene, at all costs. This gene is also precious to the Maratha manoos, and the Shiv Sena will not allow any insult to our ancient genetic heritage,” the editorial said.


AUSSIE SCIENTIST DENIES PATENT PLANS

Reuters, Melbourne, 5 Nov. In the wake of violent anti-Australian protests rocking India over alleged Australian plans to patent the corruption gene, Australian geneticist Dr Madeleine McGrath denied that any such plans were ever considered, and apologised for any misunderstanding that may have taken place.


CONGRESS, HJP DECLARE VICTORY

UNI, New Delhi, 6 Nov. After yesterday's Australian declaration that there was never any plan to patent the corruption gene, the Congress Party and the Hindu Jagran Party issued competitive statements claiming credit for the victory over the attempt to purloin India’s genetic birthright.

Meanwhile, Union Science Minister Jairam Rajesh said at a press conference that the government would take immediate steps to patent the corruption gene in the name of the nation so as to ensure that it remained forever uniquely Indian. “No other nation has a right to the corruption gene,” the Minister said to general applause. “It is ours and we shall keep it.”

He also declared that eminent geneticist Dr Vetrivel Vazhutthumudi Chellappa, who alerted the nation to the danger, would be honoured by the government at a special function. “If not for him, we would be poorer today,” the Minister said.


BREAKING NEWS, NDTV7x24 NEWS CHANNEL:
Transparency International claims India world’s third-most corrupt country after Somalia, Afghanistan; nation outraged.


Copyright B Purkayastha 2010/12 
 

2 comments:

  1. Nice.

    It's always important to label posts like this as "satire"... Life is so often weirder than anything we can dream up.

    This made me think of the Cretan who once said, "All Cretans are liars."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bill,
    You are a very good story teller.

    ReplyDelete

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