Happy Old/New Year

This may be my last post for the year 2011.

I hope not. I hope I will be writing and posting more material today. But it’s not quite in my hands.

My phone at home has been out of action for three days now. My internet connection at work is, let’s say, unreliable. In other words, I’m not sure from one moment to the next whether it will still be in existence. As an illustration, during the time I’ve been writing this article, it’s gone down and up several times already, and this phone (at work) is hardly usable due to constant and intense static, just as though a jammer is in operation. And complaints aren't being attended to by the telephone department.

My internet connection via cell phone is more down than up. In fact, my cell phone connection is more down than up.

And all this is hardly unique to me.

All across India, in this winter of our discontent, the electronic lines of communication are suddenly creaking wearily, like an aged mummy trying to clamber out of its sarcophagus. Parts of India have seen mobile services crash without explanation for days on end, and being restored only to crash again.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think this was a deliberate attempt on the part of our dear government, which wants only the best for us, to cut out our net access in order to limit treasonable comments online against our rulers (whom we all love) and against the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty, whose members are the natural rulers of our destiny. After all, our dear government has in recent days made many open attempts to muzzle any and all traitorous online criticism of its actions, its (well-beloved and eminent economist, who would win any election he contested if only he chose to contest one) unelected “prime minister” prime minister, and its ruling family, the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty.

If I had a nasty suspicious mind, I’d think our rulers – who are hard pressed politically on many fronts, including corruption, economic stagnation and imminent implosion, a crumbling infrastructure, and general public anger – were conducting electronic warfare against the population to stop protests from being organised online, as they were earlier this year to considerable effect. Of course, our dear rulers would never do any such thing, as we all know. They love us far too much, just as we love them.

So, all the electronic problems must be either a simple coincidence – or, more probably, a conspiracy. Yes, it must be a conspiracy by anti-national saboteurs. Who are these saboteurs – CIA agents? Perish the thought. The CIA is an arm of our great and noble American friends. They would never, ever, do anything to hurt us.

No, these are probably Maoists and their supporters, environmentalists and human rights activists and the like; commie scum who want to harm our glorious democracy and our great republic. After all, these vermin don’t want the benevolent forces of Big Business to chop down our forests and exploit our natural resources. They don’t want the people living in forest villages to be pushed into urban slums to work as sweatshop labour for multinationals, thus contributing to National Growth, the same National Growth which our dear unelected “prime minister” prime minister loves so much to talk about. The Maoist vermin can do anything to hurt us.

Commie scum.

Why didn’t I think of it before? It must be the Maoists after all!

But, until this Maoist menace is crushed, just in case I can’t get online again today, I won’t in all probability be able to be on the net before the 2^nd January 2012 at the earliest. Therefore, to all of you, a Happy Old Year and a Happy 2012 in advance.

Now, where is that accursed Maoist?