Sunday, 25 December 2016

Oh Rudolf Had A Baby

Oh Rudolf had a baby
He called him Reindeer Jim
Put him on Santa's sleigh
To teach him how to dream.

"Someday, sonny, when you're a little older
Your antlers budding through
I'll take a Christmas off
And leave the pulling up to you.

"An obese sod is Santa Claus
Not stingy with his whip
He gets all the milk and biscuits
Us reindeer? Not a sip.

"The elves slave worse than robots
The toys he gifts to make
But I'll tell ya the bitter truth
For truth and honesty's sake.

"Kids in sweatshops in Cambodia
Bent over machines night and day
Make the dolls that Santa hohohos
And get for them just no pay.

"That's why I drink so much!"and Rudolf
Took the time to sneeze twice -
"I may be a little tipsy 
But I'll give you some advice.

"Find a way to get noticed
A red nose would do fine
If I hadn't already acquired that
By overindulgence in wine.

"That'll make you go places
Though Santa may drop dead
From a heart attack, the obese prat
Or a kick to his bloody head.

"But it's a great job I'm on
In songs my name shines bright
Just as my alcoholic nostrils
Make the way so light.

"Now go and fetch my rubbing cloth
And shine up my nose, I say
Or I'll give you a hiding
And not a wisp of hay.

"Ol' Santa he's a coming
My! He's grown fatter still!
To drag him round this planet 
I need to eat my fill.

"So you'll go without supper
And so will your mumsy too
But it's in a good cause, Jimmy
As must be clear to you.

"Children around the world want toys
And corporations slobber with delight
At all the shopping going on
On this Christmas night.

"Such joy and cheer we'll bring
Jimmy boy, soon you'll know
Now get out of my stable
And bugger off and grow."


  1. Thanks Bill.
    Just for your personal information, back when I was still able to work, I was employed by a defense contractor for some years. We made radar sets for the military and some foreign governments for civilian airport use. Every year we'd take an xmas break, starting the 23rd or 24th of December and come back to work the first week day after New Years. See, we didn't make weapons during the "season of peace on earth, goodwill to men". All the defense plants in the US of A did the same. What a hypocritical load of bull crap! As if they didn't make more than enough bombs, bullets, etc. during the rest of the year.

  2. I hope Rudolf's baby will know well how to distinguish dreams from realities... very interesting and creative writing... Happy New Year, Bill!


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