Oh Batman had a baby
He called him Lad Robin
He dressed him in shorty shorts
And dropped him in the bin.
Oh Lex Luthor found the baby
Who was quite cute, no doubt
Lexy took him along on crime sprees
To act as his look-out.
Robin grew to boyhood
A fine figure of a boy was he!
He wore bright clothes with shorty-shorts
And a mask through which to see.
Oh Luthor had a plan so good
It would make the world sit up, for sure
He needed Batman out of the way
For that he set a lure.
Robin put on his yellow cape
His yellow cape wore he!
And in his red and green and shorty-shorts
Stood down by the sea.
And the tide it began to rise
The tide it rose so high!
As the full moon, like a swollen balloon
Lurched slowly across the sky.
Someone saw Robin on the shore
As the tide surged around his feet
And signalled, the Batsign out
Glimmering above the nightswept street.
Then Batman came on his Batmobile
He roared along the beach!
Like a movie scene, stopped the mighty machine
By Robin, near close enough to reach.
And then it was that the Boy Wonder
Said, “You left me for dead.”
Took a stick, or maybe a brick
And smashed it on Batman’s head.
Batman fell with a hollow groan
And drowned in the rising tide
Yes, Batman drowned, in the rising waves
Drowned right until he died.
Then Batman was a goner
You can check if I lied!
And Lad Robin, with a wicked grin
Took the Batmobile for a ride.
Lex Luthor in the meantime crimed
Oh what a crime spreed he!
And with his load of ill gotten gains
Back homewards he started to flee.
Now the cops were on his trail
And fast it was they came!
Lex Luthor moved his fastest
But it wasn’t the same.
It was as though it was all over
He’d lost everything once more
Bitterly he thought, and almost forgot
That he’d sent Robin to the shore.
But the Boy Wonder came roaring up
In the Batmobile he came!
And stopped by Lex, laughing aloud
As though it was a merry game.
“Get in, you bald old coot!”
He shouted, and he grinned
And the Batmobile, like the Devil’s wheel
Through the streets it spinned.
And Lex won to his hideout
Got home with all his take
And he lit a candle, on his laden mantle
For his arch-enemy’s sake.
“I’ve done enough,” he declared
“This heist I’ll never top,
So it makes sense, even to the dense
That now I’d better stop.
“I’m the King of Crime right now
What more could I ever need?
I have infamy and fortune
And the Batmobile as my steed.
“So I’ll hand over my reins
You’ll be the King of Crooks, won’t you?
Come with me and we’ll celebrate
With a trip to the zoo.”
And now it is that Lad Robin
Strides across the World of Crime
While Luthor sits in luxury
Batman’s bones roll in grime.
One day perhaps a Catman will rise
Or better yet, a Ratman grow
From out among the oppressed throng
And a gauntlet he’ll throw.
And then maybe the world will see
The beginning of Robin’s fall
But until then, the criminals’ friend
Will stand over the city tall.
And to think it was Batman’s fault
To bin the brat he bred!
It was indeed, that he deserved it
This had to be said.
Someday when the wind moans so
And the sky with clouds is filled
Look for his bones, among the beach’s stones
And if you find them, don’t be thrilled.
Batman was a selfish pig
A capitalist lord as well
And he deserved his warm reception
Among his partners down in hell.
Long may the Lad Robin shine
In his shorty-shorts and yellow cape!
And with his rule, you stupid fool
You yourself need to shape.
And Lex Luthor, holiday home
A blessing on his baldy head!
Long may it glow, in calm and in blow
Until we’re all long dead.
And then the world will be a better place
When Ratman and Robin see
That apart they’re enemies, but
Friends is the way to be.
Then it will be peace and calm
A Golden Age will come!
The only ones who demur then
Will be the criminal and the bum.
Oh Batman had a baby
He called him Robin, oh delight
And Robin killed Batman
And took the world overnight.