Friday, 1 January 2016

From the Office of Prince Khaled ibn Bandar ibn Moosad Nawaf al Killah al Saud

Good morning, my friend, and a very happy new year to you!

I know this message will come as a surprise to you, but, rest assured, I found you by a careful search based on your interests and online activities. I am assured that you are exactly the kind of reliable person I am looking for.

Let me introduct myself. I am Prince Khaled ibn Bandar ibn Moosad Nawaf al Killah al Saud, one of the princes of the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia, and Minister of Executions in Saudi Royal Government. As you know, our country is an important part of the war against terrorism, and that weare fighting in Yemen to free country from terrorists. Also our country is fighting to keep our religion pure and to prevent corruption by evil people. There are so many evil people, who do things like being accused of drug smuggling, murder and witchcraft. I am sure you know this is bad evil and against all god, even your god.

The only way to do this is by cutting off their heads so that they do not do evil again, is not so? We fight evil well here in Saudi Arabia.

Now, the problem is that because of the war we are being forced to fight in Yemen, our finances are getting low. Also number of people we are being forced to behead is going up every day, so we have to hire more beheaders, but we have no money to hire enough more beheaders. Also even though we advertised for beheaders not enough people replying to advertisement for some reason. That is why I looked on the internet and found you. From your love of online video games I see you liking sword work very much. I am therefore offering you chance to cut off heads for real.

All you have to do is come here to Saudi Arabia, and you will be provided with a criminal to behead, right in front of big crowd in Deera Square in Riyadh. Deera Square is very nice, you will like it. Very good tourist attraction. You will be celebrity, will be famous and get the knowledge that you are fighting terrorsm evil and doing god work. You will also be getting good vacation here. Is totally free and all your expenses paid! If not sure how to behead we can train you, too, in Iraq and Syria with ISIS training programme. Nothing to worry. We have good training programme and this is instructor.

Please do not thnik this is Nigerian scam or illegal. In first place I am Saudi, not Nigerian. In second place as I am Prince of Royal Family all I do is legal, and this is with the approval of the King Salman al Isisi ibn Bibi al Killary al Saud himself. Where else will you get chance to cut off heads for free? Where else can you feel nice satisfying sensation of sword cutting through skin and muscle and bone and seeing head fall off and bounce like rubber ball, and then blood leaking on ground? I am telling you this is very good sensation. Also you have to pay no money at all. It is free totally.

Even Prince Charles of Britain danced with sword here and in conversation said to me that if only he could he would have loved to cut head too. “But it wouldn’t go down too well with the wogs, old chap,” he said. “They and the Bolshies are a right bunch of twits, you know. Don’t let a chap have fun. Why, I can’t even chase down foxes on my horse and have my dogs tear the little beggars to shreds any longer.” And he sighed deeply and tears began coming from eyes. 

His son Prince Harry also told me he wanted to cut off heads. “Couldn’t kill any ragheads when I was in Iraq and Afghanistan,” he said. “Bleeding tossers kept shooting at me whenever I flew up to drop rockets on ‘em – that’s not cricket, is it, what? I wish I could have a go at one when it wasn’t shooting back. You’re so lucky!”

President Obama also said to me that he would like to cut off head of whistleblower, but not possible without getting golf shoes covered with blood. “Even though the folk back home would fall over themselves supporting me,” he said, stroking a drone with a far off look of pleasure in his eyes, “there are other ways to kill folks. With this I can play god. I mean, I know I’m god, but even then, it’s a real charge to blow up folks from the sky, like a thunderbolt, isn’t that so?” He then told me he would give one million tons of more bombs to drop on Yemen. That is because I made him sword offer. He is good man. You please vote way he tells you to.

As you can see, even if in your country if you cut off heads you will go to jail, here you are hero. Good?

If you are interested please respond to this mail with following information:

Your name:

Age and Sex:

Your complete address and phone number:

How many times you cut off heads in video game:

How often you dream of cutting off heads:

Please be to noting that we do not discriminate in gender. If you are female you can still cut off heads so long as you wear a burqa. We are very modern as you can see. No other country will give you chance to cut off heads if you are woman.

Hoping to get your reply soonest. Please be telling if you have own sword or whether you need one provided for you.

With regards,

Prince Khaled ibn Bandar ibn Moosad Nawaf al Killah al Saud
Minister Of Executions
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.


  1. Outstanding. I couldn't stop laughing.

    There must be some place you can get stuff like this published.


  2. Dying. You had me at "ibn Bandar."


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