Saturday 13 December 2014

Noah's Arrrrrgh, or, A Silly Little Story


This is the ark that Noah built.

Image from a site too insane to link to


This is the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

god

This is the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.*

Image taken from another site too batshit insane to link to.


These are the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

Another loonie site. Obviously.

This is the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

[Source]

This is the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

[Source]



These are the children of the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

[Source]

These are the bacteria in the intestines of the children of the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.**

[Source]

This is the wood eaten to be digested by the bacteria in the intestines of the children of the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

If you really want to buy it


These are the holes left by the wood eaten to be digested by the bacteria in the intestines of the children of the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

Holes in argument


This is the water let in through the holes left by the wood eaten to be digested by the bacteria in the intestines of the children of the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

From a site even more lunatic than the others. Take it from me.


This is the sinking caused by the water let in through the holes left by the wood eaten to be digested by the bacteria in the intestines of the children of the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

[Source]

This is the wreckage left after the sinking caused by the water let in through the holes left by the wood eaten to be digested by the bacteria in the intestines of the children of the queen termite who married the male termite that came along with the animals that Noah loaded on the ark, to save them from the Flood that swamped the earth, at the whim of the god which ordered the construction of the ark that Noah built.

[Source]

...and they all lived extinctly ever after. Or, you know, didn't.




[* and incidentally drowned all the innocent non-rescued animals and babies too, not to mention the plants and the aquatic animals which couldn't live in the admixture of fresh and sea water. Ain't it so loving?

** shouldn't there be only two bacteria? I think there should.]

5 comments:

  1. Well, it started out nice enough. :D
    And, yes, only 2 bacteria.

    ReplyDelete
  2. In good old Aussie parlance: Noah got well and truly "white anted". :)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_anting

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is certainly not the sort of story that people would ever take literally.

    Not like, say, Grimm's tales. I think I found the actual foundation of Hansel and Gretel's candy witch in a German forest, by the way. When this is confirmed, it will show that these stories are true.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hooray for the termites and bacterium. As t this doG, what an ass. The holly buy-bull claims that ALL creation was good after this lazy doG put in a whole six days of work. Then, HE "decides" it isn't perfect?
    Well, to this old heathen, 67 now, that proves this doG is neither all knowing, nor all powerful. Destroyed His own "perfect" creation in a fit of rage? More like a total psychopath. At the very least a sociopath. A mean, nasty, vile critter is this biblical doG. I will never bow down to such a vile thing as this doG. Better to die on my feet than live on my knees.
    The holly buy-bull and its doG are fi newtons of the fevered imaginations of illiterate goat herders of the late Bronze Age Middle East who plagiarized the stories of many other, more powerful peoples just to try and make themselves look better that what they ever were.

    ReplyDelete

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