A Nasty Little Story

One day a dragon appeared high on the cliffs above

The beautiful little town of Smoke-on-the-Sea. 

There he crouched, wings flapping, jaws agape.

The terror of such as you or me.

(Oh! He was a terrible dragon

Fierce enough to frighten away 

Even the King's greatest dragon hunters. Even the King's magicians

Saw him and went away, abashed.)

He was a terrible dragon indeed.

This distressing fact much distressed 

The good people of Smoke-on-the-Sea. 

"Will someone not save us," they cried

"From this terrible dragon which crouches

Above us like a message from our mortality?

How will the tourists come, when this dread beast

Sits day and night awake on the cliffs? It will scare them away

And without the tourist trade, the town won't see another day.

"We did all we could," the townsfolk said, with a mournful sigh.

"Prayed for it to leave - prayed to the gods on high. 

We'd have sent it our virgins too, you know

But there are none left, not one

From here to the earth's molten core.

It seems that there's nothing more for us

But to fade away without further fuss."

Up rose Jack the Monster Killer then

Whose shoulders had the strength of a stalwart ten

Tallest of all the heroes living by that distant sea

He lifted an arm thick as a gigantic tree.

"The dragon," he said, "is a poor thing -

I will give the fairest lady of the city

A part of the creature, and to the second-fairest

I'll give her the other wing."

The ladies of the little town gasped with joy

And danced till their feet could dance no more. 

"We'll know now who's the fairest," they cried

"Let's all go down to the shore.

"We'll stand out on the sand

Out there on the beach -

As Jack the Monster Killer does his thing

We'll cling each to each. 

And when he returns we'll cheer

We'll cheer till the sky turns red

With the dawn of tomorrow's sun -

And raise up Jack overhead. 

"And he'll give the fairest one wing

The second will get one too -

And as for the rest, those envious wretches,

Well you know what you can do. 

So let us away to the waiting sands

And cheer the hero, noble, true."

So they went down to that waiting beach

To the waiting beach they went!

And Jack the great Monster Killer

Donned his suit of armour big as a tent. 

Then he trod on the highest cliff

Oh, Jack trod on crags so high!

He looked as though a tower of iron walked

Silhouetted against the darkling sky.

And he strode to the waiting dragon

"Get thee from hence," he said

"Although I'm mostly kind to animals

Flee or I'll strike you dead. 

I'm Jack the Monster Killer

Of whom you may have heard, foul thing -

I've killed the Beanstalk Giant

And tied the moon on a string.

Fly away, abomination, you thing of doom

Get back to the hell that gave you spawn

Or when the sun rises tomorrow, on a stake,

Your head will greet the eastern dawn."

But the dragon was most unimpressed. 

Oh! A jaded beast was he, you should have known

He opened a mouth like a drawbridge

And bit Jack to the bone. 

Then he ate Jack in two bites

(Maybe a third, or maybe not)

For a dragon of that size, you see

Jack wasn't really a terrible lot. 

And then he belched loud and long

For habits bad had he!

And that belch echoed from cliff to broken cliff

And from the sullen sky to the sullen sea. 

(It wasn't really his fault though; he'd been abandoned as a dragon chick and his mother had never been around to teach him manners

She was a bad mother. Bad bad!)

Then the watching townsfolk scratched their heads

And yelled till their faces were mottled red.

But they couldn't think of what to do

Not even till it was time for bed. 

(And if they'd gone to bed they'd have had awful nightmares

Of no tourists and that kind of thing. You know

How those dreams go.)

But then little Billy raised his hand

Little Billy, scruffiest lad in all renown.

"I'll go talk to the dragon," he said. 

"I'll tell him to spare the town.

All you've done is to demand his death

Or his capture, at the least -

But none of you thought a moment

To go and talk to yonder beast."

"Go and be eaten," the townsfolk jeered

And laughed all their faces blue.

"That dragon ate Jack the Monster Killer -

What will he leave of such as you?"

"But if I do chase it off," said Billy boy

"What will you give me, pray tell me please?"

"Not less than your weight in gold" the mayor said

Shaking with laughter and quite at ease. 

For how could a Billy beat a dragon

Let alone a dragon that stood

High above the cliff top there

Like an evil god of stone and wood?

"He'll never collect," they all said

Slapping each other on the back

"And it will be great entertainment to see him eaten -

Enough to make us get over Jack."

All the girls raised haughty faces

At the scamp who was so pert and bold

And swore to each other they'd never heard

So much greed for a mess of gold.

But Billy paid them all no heed.

No heed at all paid he!

And walked along the clifftop path

To the dragon on the scree.

And the waiting people saw

The dragon jump up and scream

Such a shriek as one might howl

In the midst of a terrible dream. 

Then the beast spread mighty wings

And away over the sea he sped! 

Not a trace of him was left behind

On the cliff above the mayor's head. 

So Billy came down again

And asked for the gold he'd earned -

Do you know what they did to him?

Trial for witchcraft and he was burned.

For gold is gold, the mayor said. 

Good coin, and the dragon's fled

And but for sorcery no one could

Chase it away, so he said. 

"I could never suffer such witch to live" he declared

As Billy roasted on his pyre,

"That foul dragon was this witch's pet

I'll be bound, and swear on my sire

If ever such witch comes again

He or she too shall soon be ash

So beware lest you ask reward

In terms of gold or good hard cash."

So the townsfolk never knew

Just why the great dragon fled - and if they had

Been able to ask him themselves, they'd have found

'Twas because Billy just stank so bad.

Copyright B Purkayastha 2014