Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Regime Change Associates, Inc.


Regime Change Associates, Inc
Everywhere, Richistan.

Your Majesty/Excellency/CEO/Mr President, Sir

I’m sure we’ve all been in a situation where we really, really needed to overthrow the government of some pesky little country which stands in the way of a pipeline, or military bases, or other avenue of profit, haven’t we? In the old days it wouldn’t have been a problem. We’d just invade the hell out of that country (or hire a nifty little mercenary outfit to do it for us), and take it over. Ah, remember those good old days?

Unfortunately, these days, invading countries you want to regime-change has become a little difficult, as I’m sure you’re well aware. More and more, these days, traitors within and enemies without gang up online and in such criminal organisations as the United Nations Security Council to denounce and block invasions. Why, for a while one might almost have imagined that this route to making an honest profit had been permanently blocked! One might have had to actually resort to trade or market rate payments to get what one wanted and deserved!    

Happily, that terrible era, with its anti-free-enterprise stance, is behind us. We’ve successfully found a way round it. Today, Your Majesty, Excellency, CEO or Mr President, Sir, we can bring you tidings of great joy; the route to regime change is open again to you, without the expense and opprobrium of an invasion. Why, it even comes with an added bonus: your own liberal compatriots, who would have condemned an invasion to the skies, will hail you as a hero for carrying out the regime change.

We at Regime Change Associates, Inc believe that with our tried and trusted model, you can simply not fail. You don’t even have to lift a finger! We will do it all for you, for a fee that is absurdly modest in comparison to all that you stand to gain. After all, the entire resources of a country are there for the asking! Imagine that!

Attached with this letter is an in-depth description of the techniques Regime Change Associates, Inc, uses in situations where a regime change is indicated, but for your convenience we will summarise them here:

The first thing is to know your target. What works in one situation won’t work in another. Remember that you are actually waging a war, shall we call it a fifth-generation war, against this other country, and that in war, strategy is all-important.

Now, if your target is a white, European nation, military invasion can almost certainly be ruled out. This is because Western populations have now been systematically indoctrinated to believe that white people are being targeted by freedom-hating brown hordes. This is, of course, correct (or, if Your Excellency/Majesty is an Arab monarch, it is not correct, with craven apologies), but in any case, the idea of invading another white nation is now extremely difficult to sell to western populations for any reason whatever, even if they are despicable Eastern Europeans of Slavic extraction.

In these cases, we use what we call a “controlled chaos” approach, more generally referred to as a “colour revolution”. In this technique, used against white nations or non-white nations too difficult to provoke an armed rebellion against, we organise massive street protests designed to completely swamp the state and remove its ability to respond democratically. The idea is to leave it with only two choices: either to cave in completely, or to crack down with overwhelming force. If it chooses the former, your regime change has been accomplished. If it goes the latter route, we can arrange for the media to taint it with international opprobrium. Sanctions can then be easily imposed, and a “government in exile” formed. Most nations these days in the civilised white world are soft and will collapse rapidly once sanctions are imposed, and “negotiations” can be held to impose the “government in exile” of your choice.

 Please note that this controlled chaos approach can be used even against perfectly democratically elected governments. It is, in fact, the perfect weapon to use when election results go against what you would like. As you are doubtless aware, assuming you’ve ever participated in that effete exercise known as an “election”, there  will always be some people unhappy with how the results turned out. These people will always be convinced they were somehow “robbed” of a victory and will be seething with anger; they’re the tools we shall use, and their fury shall be the fuel.

But, after all, tools need controllers, and this mass of formless anger is useless unless carefully directed. Therefore we need reliable, efficient agents who can take charge and direct this fury, to the logical goal of making things unendurable for the regime to be overthrown. Regime Change Associates, Inc, guarantees to find such agents from non-governmental organisations in the country, or, failing that, from expatriates living in the West. If these expatriates are already celebrities (like a former professional boxer, say), all the better. If they are not celebrities, RCA, Inc, undertakes to carry out a media campaign designed to transform them into celebrities. Once this is achieved, they can be made the face of the protests, returning dramatically to the homeland to play a role because “their consciences could not let them rest while the people were suffering.” High profile Western politicians can be invited to appear with them on camera and endorse their protests, if necessary after entering the country illegally.

Like this

Or this

At the same time, the protests must be extensively marketed in the media abroad. The importance of this cannot be overstated. This marketing must follow two simultaneous routes.

First, the incumbent government must be vilified to the utmost. Its democratic credentials must be trashed. If it won its last elections with a bare majority, that should be cited as claim that it did not, actually, have that majority, and that it bullied and stole votes to power. If it won with a big majority, the line to be taken is that the election was fraudulent – a “Mickey Mouse election”. Either way, the average Western citizen must, and can, be conditioned to believe that the election as no election at all.

Simultaneously, the protests must be made catchy and easily identifiable. One way of doing this is to put a celebrity face on them. Also, in the manner of a sports team, they must be given a uniform – a colour, say, such as pink or yellow.

Regime Change Associates, Inc, guarantees to market the protests and make them visible and identifiable in the media.

Once this is achieved, the next step is a dramatic escalation in violence. Peaceful protests are out; they look fine for the media, but they don’t achieve anything. Besides, peaceful protests – as you’re probably aware, Your Majesty/Excellency/CEO/Mr President, Sir – are easily ignored and allowed to run out of stream on their own. How long, after all, can people continue to maintain enthusiasm for peaceful protests when they can see for themselves that these protests are going nowhere?

In these violent protests, the focus has to be tightly maintained, too, to attack, as far as possible, police and government property only. Petrol bombs and stones are great for this. Here we may have a problem. You see, extensive research has revealed that common people, no matter how inflamed by rhetoric or filled with resentment, tend to be wary of committing acts of unprovoked violence. In these cases, we can rely on criminal gangs and far-right-wing groups to take advantage of the opportunity to join in. If necessary, they can be lured with the promise of being allowed control of organised criminal activities under the new dispensation.

The involvement of criminal elements in the protests provides hardened rioters, but runs the risk – we should call it the near-certainty – that they will exceed their brief and attack private property and citizens. This will, of course, tend to alienate fence-sitters and other potential opponents. This is the point at which media management is extremely important to convince the people of the West, who really matter, that it is government agents provocateur who are responsible for this property damage. If the marketing has been carefully handled, it will be extremely easy to achieve this.

In the course of these protests, of course, while the hard core is composed of the criminal gangs and our handpicked organisers, the bulk will belong to the ordinary disaffected. No reliance should be placed on the willingness of these people to fight; they are by and large soft and easily scared away after a dose of tear gas or a water cannon blast or two. However, they are as well easily replaced, and as they drop away, more can easily be recruited to take their place, so long as the momentum does not flag.

By now, the authority of the state will be severely challenged. With a little luck, the government may cave in at this point and offer negotiations. Said negotiations must be rejected completely. Whether negotiations succeed or not, they will inevitably take the steam out of the protests and make it difficult or impossible to start them again. Besides, people might begin to think, and they must never be given the opportunity to think. Once they do, they will soon discover for themselves that they are being manipulated, and we can’t have that, can we?

So, the offers of negotiations must be rejected in toto. If required, an excuse can be manufactured – a tortured “activist”, say – to reject negotiations, but the demand must be the same; an immediate departure of the incumbent government. Offers of fresh elections must also be rejected. The government’s legitimacy, by now, will have been completely destroyed in the Western eye, and it must stay that way.

At this point, Your Majesty/Excellency/CEO/Mr President, Sir, we will ask you to threaten to impose sanctions (or have politicians you control threaten to impose sanctions, as the case may be) on the government concerned. It’s highly likely that the mere threat of sanctions will be the final push required to push it into surrender; if not, a period of actual economic pain may have to be imposed to see the regime see reason. Either way, it will go, and the celebrity face of the protests can be placed at the head of the new dispensation, hailed as a “liberator”. Of course, we will ensure that we have his or her signature on all relevant documents giving our patron (that is you) whatever is wanted.

If we cannot win with these men, then... 

Now, there is a chance – if the target is a non-white, non-European nation – that the government concerned will not cave in tamely. Even sanctions might not work. Such nations are likely to be hard targets, and can be relied on to crush the protests with massive force. In these cases, we must be prepared for Option Two; the route of the armed revolution.

Now, in this instance, we must reluctantly be compelled to admit that the application of armed force will be necessary at some stage. However, the conditions for the application of the armed force must be carefully created. Even before the protests are manufactured, armed groups must be seeded in the country to take advantage of the chaos to attack the police and army. Once they retaliate, the conditions will be set for what – to the world – can be presented as a civil war.

This “civil war’s” primary battlefield is the cities. The purpose of the armed groups will be primarily to force the governments to either lose control over the urban centres (and thereby lose legitimacy to call themselves the government) or attempt to take them back by force. If they try to do the latter, they will likely fail initially since the average conventional army is not trained in city combat. They will, therefore, have no option but to resort to either siege or mass aerial and artillery bombardment. This will help the “rebels” by achieving these aims:

First, it will compel the civilians – who are likely to at least be ambivalent about the armed uprising if not actively hostile – to depend on the “rebels” (who are, of course, beholden to us) for security and sustenance.

Secondly, it will force the regime to inflict mass civilian suffering, whether by starvation or bombardment. Regime Change Associates, Inc, will ensure that friendly media people are smuggled into the cities to report on the suffering (with suitable embellishment as necessary) at first hand.

Thirdly, it will create dissensions in the regime’s ministers and generals about the morality of inflicting violence on the people. Some weaker links can be relied on to defect, and such defections can be played up to great effect.

At this time, civilians will be recruited to demand a foreign invasion to overthrow the regime and “liberate the country”. Children are great tools for this – they must be placed at the forefront of these demands. Everyone wants to help children, and anybody refusing is liable to be seen as a monster.

A UN Security Council resolution can then be demanded in order to invade and overthrow the regime on “humanitarian grounds”. If required, Regime Change Associates, Inc, will arrange for “atrocities” to force the Security Council’s hand.

If the Security Council gives the go-ahead, there should be no need for a ground invasion. Your (or your politicians’) air force can pulverise the regime’s armed forces, which will be massed against the “rebels”. If the armed forces disperse to escape your air strikes, the “rebels” can overwhelm them. Either way, in short order, you win.

...we have to market these men as glorious freedom fighters

However, this is contingent on the UNSC giving the go-ahead. If, owing to the recalcitrance of two particular nations, the resolution isn’t forthcoming, then I am afraid that we will have a choice to make. One of these choices is a unilateral, unauthorised invasion. However, after the Bush presidency’s invasion of Iraq, this has become extremely difficult to justify. The only other option is to provide training, arms and safe sanctuary to the “rebels”, in the hope that they can force the de facto partition of the country. The “liberated zones” can then be at least exploited in whatever way possible.

I agree that neither option is particularly pretty, but war never is. And, Your Majesty/Excellency/CEO/Mr President, Sir, this is the modern way of war.

I await your decision on hiring our firm with great eagerness.

Yours in anticipation

                                                                    G. Reed Isgud

                                                                    Regime Change Associates, Inc. 


  1. Would this approach also work on the Kardashians, I wonder?

  2. Yeah, Bill, you got it perfectly. I still can't wrap my mind around seeing daily headlines quoting and giving a respectful hearing to such celebrity opposition leaders as Pussy Riot. It is so warped and weird.

  3. Bill, your proposal is so close to the truth it is almost painful. RCA could be CIA/Mosad/MI5/MI6. Be careful Bill, you get too close to the truth, the powers that be get very nervous. Stay safe old friend.


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