There are terrible, terrible things happening in the world, and just for once, there’s something where we might help.
This poor young man is a Free Syrian Army terrorist fighting hard to overthrow the brutal Assad dictatorship, which, as you know, is using gas to murder the people. Brave young terrorists like this young man are fighting hard to overthrow the dictator and usher in a peaceful, democratic Syria friendly to Israel and Western oil companies.
Of course, these valiant freedom fighters need to keep in excellent physical condition to carry on the good fight against evil. And the heroic freedom fighter we’re talking about certainly worked hard to stay in shape, by hacking the heads off captives; and in order to maintain his muscle mass, he needed protein, so he ate their hearts afterwards. Who among us will deny him that right?
Now, a couple of weeks ago, the evil regime forces staged a cowardly surprise attack on the hideout where this young man was contentedly grilling the head of a Christian priest he’d killed only an hour before. He had to flee so quickly that he was forced to abandon the knife with which he did all his beheading and cutting out of hearts.
Obviously, without the knife, he hasn’t been able to behead anybody or eat their organs. Even though he’s been running for his life after the raid on the hideout, that’s not enough to build or maintain the upper-body strength he requires to be a fighter for freedom. He absolutely requires our help at the earliest.
Fortunately, Facebook and Google have agreed to step in and help. For every time this message is posted on someone’s wall, these two companies will donate 45 cents to a special fund to buy the brave young terrorist a whole set of knives. We have already made a good beginning, but time is growing short and he needs your help.
Please repost this message if you have a heart. After all, later this poor young terrorist will need to eat it.