It is a wild-eyed terrorist gang
They boardeth planes by four and three.
“I am off to fly to hell,” they quoth
“And who flieth now with me?”
The planes fly off to slam into buildings;
And murder most within:
In flame and smoke the cry is raised
In screams and pain and din.
He ordered the invasion of Afghanistan,
"Far across the sea," quoth he.
"There is an evildoer sitting in
An evildoin’ country.
“Bombs will fall and the tanks will roll
The B52s will do their thing
And in Kabul will sit quite soon
An anointed newfound king. “
The Karzai sat on his throne:
As his country went to hell;
But he said nothing, for he was
Under UNOCAL’s magic spell.
Meanwhile the Ship of War,
Set sail with guns loaded up
As the Captain sipped his booze
From a fancy Spode teacup.
One war was just not enough
His advisers told him well
This was the chance to send old enemies
To rot and stink up hell.
Closer and closer, every day
Iraq to be blown up soon
Those idiots who ask for peace
Are wishing for the moon.
They did for Saddam in three short weeks
The WMDs could not be found
But the focus now on was
The oil beneath the ground.
Meanwhile the dead-ender terrorist scum
Right fearsome to behold
Came swarming out to shoot and scoot
And our hero began to scold.
“Bring them on,” the Leader said
From far behind the lines quoth he
“Even if we have to massacre everyone
We’ll make Iraq free.
“ Free for Halliburton, of course I meant
For Blackwater and all the rest
You’d better obey your Uncle Sam
‘Cause he always knows what’s best.”
The War At Home raged on hard
With wiretap and colour code
For you know the terrorist
May live right in your abode.
Why, the wild-eyed terror freak
May be your husband, son
In the Holy War on Terror
You just can’t trust anyone.
Terrorists here, and terrorists there
And terrorists all around
Expect a terrorist in every shadow
Behind every unknown sound.
Secret prisons in every land
Rendition flights fast flew
Jack Bauer the trainer-in-chief
Of the brave righteous crew.
And now the back-blast came, and it
Was horrible and fierce
It swept up the War on Terror
Right out of this Universe.
With Afghanistan once again
Become a warlord land
Poppies grew in every field and hollow
Opium enough to beat the band.
The Taliban came swarming back
As liberators back they came
The victory won for natural gas
Was now a brand new game.
Meanwhile Iraq in civil war
Right swiftly fell to rust
Ethnic cleansing and foreign troops
Turned the nation to ruin and dust
Now in place of victory, defeat
It was all powerful strange
Like the targets shooting back
On the firing range.
The economy began to fall
A strange and terrible sight
And in the marrow of the beast
All the great men took fright.
Meanwhile up came a hero
A General proud was he
Said he would surge the wars
To certain victory.
And too up came a Man of Peace
A messiah to the deck
Said he would salvage some kind of honour
From the whole misbegotten wreck.
So when a chance of peace
It seemed that they could see
They turned the ship the other way
Towards the Manifest Destiny.
The ship of war came sailing
Into a harbour on the flood
Swamped by death and terror
By waves of hate and blood.
Pile war on war and bomb on bomb
You’re maybe, perhaps, sure to win
Or at least you’ll end it all
With what the French call