Saturday, 9 July 2011

Stop Knocking.

This knocking is irritating me. I’m serious. Stop knocking.

Look, let me try and explain things. Here I am, minding my own business in the nice cool wet darkness, and you people keep knocking up a row. It’s making it impossible for me to sleep. Worse, it’s giving me a headache. And when I have a headache, I get cranky.

What do you mean, who am I? You ought to know that by now. You don’t? Well, I won’t waste my breath by telling you – unless you force me to.

No, you can’t see me. But I’m close. Not far away at all, not far enough for you to get away, even if you run. You can't get away and you can't hide. No.

But I don't want to hurt you. All I want is -

What part of stop knocking don’t you understand?

All right, that was your last warning.

I’m coming, and when I get to you, wherever you are, I will eat you all.

I hate knocking. I hate all loud noises, actually, but most of all I hate knocking.

Too late now to run. I warned you. Go ahead and scream - I don't mind. You won't scream long enough for it to matter. And you'll stop knocking.

Not for nothing am I called the Knock Less Monster.


  1. LMAO! I haven't heard stories like this since the barbershop quartet days.

  2. I hear you knocking
    But you can't come in
    I hear you knocking
    Go back where you been

    -Dave Edmunds


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