Holy Guns and the Liberal Scum

Not all that long ago, in a galaxy not too far away...

...there was a country called, let’s say, The Indispensable Nation (TIN). It was so called, because it had been blessed by the Deity of the major religion of that nation with a special status, which meant that every law and every decree, every war and every action by its rulers came about due to that Deity’s direct and personal approval.

Now, one of the cherished laws that that Deity had given to this nation, this TIN, was one saying that the people would have the right to bear arms. This being a Deity-delivered right, of course, it became incumbent on every True Believer to own at least one firearm, and preferably a hundred.

Unfortunately, sad as it is to relate, there were liberal scum and suchlike traitors and infidels who refused to join with the rest in their project of Holy Gun Ownership. These apostates even mocked at the True Believers, and attempted to restrict their right to own as many guns as they wanted, firing in as many automatic modes as their hearts could possibly desire.

So invidious were the efforts of these liberal traitors and freedom-haters that the True Believers had to set up a National Firearm Association, all the better to defend their rights to own as many millions of guns as they pleased, and to prevent traitorous liberal governments from creating horrifying laws stipulating perhaps that a man might be only able to purchase a single gun instead of a dozen in the course of an entire day. And the Holy Gun Manufacturers worshipped at the altar of this National Firearm Association, for the liberal traitors were hurting their Deity-given right to earn a livelihood manufacturing ten thousand different models of guns.

But more and more oppressive grew the liberal scum, and greater and greater the assaults on freedom, and more and more shrill the canards that guns put dangerous weapons in the hands of unstable people and criminals; but the True Believers stood firm, and dared the liberal scum to take the guns from their cold dead hands. And the liberal scum wavered, and fell back, for the Deity showered Its favour on the True Believer, so that a Gun-Loving President and Congress came to office.

Then it was that laws were made, that in every state in all the territory of TIN, each and every person had to purchase a firearm; and, more, that each child, when old enough to be able to grasp a pistol or revolver, should compulsorily be given one, and to carry it everywhere, even into school; and that any child not packing heat should not be allowed admittance into the classroom; and this was done. Soon, the main class at school, indeed virtually the only class except Historical Mythology and Deity Worship, was Gun Class, of which more anon.

Withal the Deity was pleased, and caused new laws to be promulgated, which said that anyone not owning and carrying at least one gun at all times, even to bed, should be treated as a Traitor against TIN, and suffer the consequences, as enemies of freedom and flag-bearers of socialism.

And those liberal apostates who refused to accept such orders were rounded up, very easily indeed because they did not own guns, and were confined to gun ranges, and expended as targets for schoolchildren (sometimes their own children) at Gun Class.

And so the Deity’s will was done.

One of the Deity's Temples, and a High Priest